Adventures with my ADHD Friend

Life is an adventure right?

Well, if it isn't for you, it certainly is for me and plenty of other people I know.

What I didn't consider, until recently, is how much MORE of an adventure it must be for people with ADHD.

I have a friend, we'll call her Candice, who has ADHD. She has told me about some of her misfortunes, many of which she attributes to ADHD, for some time now. But its only been recently that I've had a first hand look into some of the interesting things that happen in her life.

I'll start with... what I would consider a simple lack of attention. Some weeks back she came to my apartment. Candice had just gotten off work so she had a tote and papers with her. We sat. We talked. We laughed. She left. The next morning, my daughter was looking for the new purple folder I had gotten her. She looked on the coffee table, where she had last seen it and all around the living room. We then looked in the illogical places (as I'm apt to do when I can't find something) but still couldn't find it. Then it dawned on me, maybe Candice had grabbed it by accident. I called, and indeed she had. Now I'm not sure why she took a folder off the coffee table when clearly all her other things were on the sofa, but I'm not entirely sure how an ADHD mind operates. I DID, however, make sure to tease her sufficiently about the irony that the folder IS her favorite color... and that is possibly why her subconscious made her take it.

SIDEBAR... Candice's favorite color is purple... she refuses to admit it... even though I keep pointing out to her that she wears it a LOT and carries a lot of purple things... has a purple wallet... purple shoes... drives a purple car...(OK I lied about that one, but you get my drift)

Earlier this week, as she was unpacking in her new home, she was lamenting about how quiet it was with no TV hooked up yet and no music. She told me her radio/ipod player was not working. Curiosity set in... as I had seen it work just a few days before and because it was practically brand new. Candice had discovered that one of her outlets didn't work, but for some reason she didn't then check all the other outlets for power, she simply moved on to other things. This befuddles me, since I would have then spend a few minutes finding a working outlet. Anyhoo, I found a working outlet and plugged it in and started pushing buttons (yes I'm only slightly technologically savvy) and voila it started to play. Candice was amazed that I had fixed it... I was still a little confused about how, exactly, I had done it... but the bottom line was that it worked and there was now music.

Skip forward a few days and I'm back visiting my friend and she's upset that her brand new refrigerator is no longer working. My curiosity kicks in again and I start mentally going through the factors leading up to a broken fridge.

1. it worked yesterday
2. we plugged her microwave into the same outlet a few days ago and it still is on and working.
3. the light is on in the fridge but the freezer and the fridge are warm.

So, at this point, I know its getting power. I'm stumped... until... I look at the dial that adjusts the temperature. It's set at zero. I didn't even know there was a zero setting. And as my daughter later asked me, why in the world IS there a zero setting. Who sets their fridge to zero? Under what circumstance would you need to do that? Isn't that the same as unplugging it? Anyway I turned the dial slightly towards the "normal" setting and instantly heard the fridge start humming.

At that point I collapsed into laughter. Poor Candice had called maintenance... was getting ready to throw away spoiled food... and was really frustrated that her fridge quit working. Well, it hadn't quit, it had been turned off. Mind you, both of her kids denied turning the dial to zero... but one kid in particular (we're not mentioning any names) just kinda slowly disappeared from the room and stayed hidden for a while.

I'm looking forward to the future adventures in "Candice-land". I must add, "Candice" has the greatest attitude about her ADHD. Yes she gets frustrated, but she seems to always find a way to laugh at the bumps and curves in her ADHD adventure. She even blogs about it, in an effort to share with and encourage others who may be struggling with their own issues. Isn't that what makes life sweet... sharing the ups and downs with others who are on the paths of their own adventures?!

Dating... is like going to the pool

It dawned on me the other day that dating is like going to the swimming pool.

Think about it:

1. You try to look your best and spend hours, maybe days or weeks finding a bathing suit.

And isn't this the same way you act when you're going on a date? You want to look your best. You want to present the most attractive side you can to your date. You may spend an inordinate amount of time agonizing over what to wear... how to accessorize... how to wear your hair!

2. You are baring yourself. The swimsuit only covers SO much of you.

On your date, you share things about yourself. You tell stories, you share opinions. YOU ARE PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE. Well, you do if you want to make a healthy connection with someone. I mean, you could always make up stories and present yourself as a different person. Trouble is, you will eventually show your true colors and be seen for who you actually are. Now, don't get me wrong, don't go on a date and act like you do in the privacy of your home, not EVERY habit needs to be on display. Some of those habits may need to be retired anyway. But you get the point, share you! (The good parts)

3. Most days the water is C-O-L-D!

Here's my analogy that inspired me to write this post: "Dipping my toes into the dating pool... getting that shiver when I find out what's out there... retreating to the beach chair... then sticking my toe in again."

I was telling a friend about my recent attempts at dating and I compared it with going to the pool. So, here's the scenario. Its a hot sunny day. You want to go swimming. You stick a toe in the pool. The water is ICE cold. You get in... slowly or quickly. Mission accomplished. Here's how I compare it to dating:

4. Sometimes you stick a toe in and decide not to get in.

For me, sometimes, sticking a toe in, is looking around to see who is out there in the "dating pool". Sometimes, just looking is enough to make you say, eh, I'm not interested.

5. Sometimes you ease yourself in... with each new submerged inch... trying to get more accustomed to it.

Then there are times you meet someone who piques your interest. You have a few conversations and ease yourself towards dating. You "take it slow" and try to build something with a solid foundation.

6. Sometimes you dive or jump right in.

I have dipped a toe into a pool in the past and thought, man that's cold. But I REALLY wanted to swim so I just jumped or dove right in. The shock usually wears off fastest this way, but that first contact with the water is cold! I remember meeting men, years ago, and hitting it off with them immediately. They made me feel instantly comfortable with them and we had great chemistry and rapport.

7. Then again... that beach chair looks EXACTLY where you want to be today.

Many days I'm here... on the beach chair... watching from the sidelines.

But that's life. As it is with swimming, you get to chose. And by all means, do it in a way that honors who YOU are. Be true to yourself. And Enjoy!